We are but fish, swimming in water. 

Goldfish

With only the naive impression of a mind of our own.

It is crucial to recognize that we each live in a version of reality which has been constructed by the desires of those of our past. The explorers who colonized the land we live on, the enlightenment thinkers who wanted to control life through rationality, the founding fathers who declared independence and superiority as core values of our nation, our very own parents who have broken narratives of their own. We are all part of a lineage crafted by those who longed to usher in their own reality, often under the guise of God’s reality.  

Society has been built by person after person, all of whom were broken, many of whom longed to matter outside of God. Who lived for prestige, for a lasting impression, to be remembered beyond their years; craving to make impact, to be original. We live in a society that has been curated by the fantasy, imagination, and desire to be in control -by the sinful, deceptive, broken nature, of those who have come before us. 

And thus, we live in a society constructed by idols. 

In America, we live for a dream, one that is far from reality. And we stare down at our lives from said dream, disappointed, refusing to be disillusioned, so instead we numb. We distract, we get lost in other worlds, in fantasies of our own, and we think something is wrong.

The illusion of progress has hooked us. We want to believe, perhaps out of pride, or hope, or need, that we have come so far since the days of old. That those uncivilized people didn’t know what we know, so they did things we no longer do. 

But this is false. There is a fallacy commonly believed in our culture, that society is on an upward progression towards utopia. That we will somehow, with our rationality, be able to create a perfect society.

But look around - what evidence do you have? History continues to spiral. 

The problem is that we as humans, get so swept up in our ideology, we don’t seem to see the reality of its effect, and instead are swept into the illusion that we are chasing a fantasy, one that would require the nullifying of the very nature of our humanity to become reality. 

We are inherently broken, flawed, hardwired to put ourselves first. We have, since the beginning of time, tried to rectify this through behavior modification, through the changing of our circumstances,  through giving in to all whims and bodily desires. We’ve tried to eliminate reality, to erase any room for shame and disappointment through rationalization and avoidance - oftentimes through compulsion and addiction.  

We still worship at the altars of false gods, the temples just elude us. Gucci, botox, you do you. All hidden gods, all with false promises that entice and enchant us. All whispering that you’re almost there, you only need a little bit more.

Have we ever stopped to think perhaps our conceptualization and expectation of life may be what is skewed? That we buy into ideologies which are based off of exceptions and fantasy. That we do not look at reality, because deep down we believe we are other, and that reality isn’t for us. We so long to prove we matter, that we are lovable, that we refuse reality and run towards fantasy, ignoring all evidence of irrationality. 

Ironic in an age of supposed rationality isn’t it? Perhaps we are not as wise as we think..

The truth is each of us longs to be different, to be the rare story. And we believe if we can just figure out the right equation, we will be.

In reality we spend our lives chasing an illusion. One that has indoctrinated us since watching Disney movies as a child. We are not steeped in reality, but socialized into an illusion, and thus as we grow older we experience disillusionment. And most often we reject it.

We are not the first to do this. The Jewish people themselves refused to be disillusioned of what the promised Messiah would do, who he would be. With taxes up to 90% and the oppression of the Roman government, they wanted a Messiah who would ride in on a horse. To lead God’s chosen people out of physical oppression, and into power and plenty. 

But Jesus rode in on a donkey. And many of his people refused to give up the fantasy of freedom from external forces through being granted power over their human oppressors. Allowing the evil powers and principalities to continue to rein in their lives. 

They refused to be disillusioned. To see God as who he revealed himself to be, and instead continued to tell God who he is supposed to be. They lived in enslavement to their own created and inherited narrative.  They continued to worship their own crafted idols of self, refusing to believe God could know better. Refusing the invitation to reorient themselves to a reality they could not see.

Disillusionment is a word, a process, that has a sting, a disdain attached to it, but in reality is an invitation into fullness, into contentment, into reality. 

Deconstruction at its core is good. It’s a process most of us must go through in order to truly know God. We must deconstruct our incorrect views of life, and most importantly our incorrect views of God. Many of us have constructed a very skewed view of God, one colored by the fantasy of our culture, and the definition we inherited on what it means to be worthy of the love we long for. 

Many of us live our lives avoiding reality. The irony is that our avoidance doesn’t make it any less present, it just causes us to be crushed by the weight of holding it at bay.

It’s painful to usher in reality - it is the process of dying to self. 

For many, myself included, our faith journey has been one in which we have seen God guiding us to our very own mountain top. One where we imagined the purpose he created us for was to ultimately give me the desires of my heart - the problem is, these desires we have been chasing, praying for have been sculpted outside of God’s design. 

In full honesty, these desires would elevate me to the point where I no longer need God. I desire God to design me so that I can be in full contentment with who I am and the external life I lead. I have prayed many times for God to bring to life my idols. My idols of success, of perfection, of impressiveness, of beauty, of achievement, of fulfillment found in a partner. I have prayed for God to eliminate my need for him, to make me into my own god.

I have asked God to bless my idolatry, and have become bitterly angry when he doesn’t. And then, I am presented with an option:
Do I choose God and allow him to take my illusions, my idols, or do I choose the life I’ve dreamed up, fantasized about, that I so want deep down to be real?
I think many of us would rather continue to live in a house built of idols, than to die to it, and become a temple of God. 
And we cannot have both. We cannot worship two gods. In this the power of Christ, and the potency, the supernatural reality of God is removed, and Christianity is turned into a set of strict, shame-inducing rules. And we turn to worshiping ourselves. 
And we miss out on the true beauty life was designed for.
To know and be known by God. To live in and receive the beauty of this earth, the beauty of relationship, and to understand our need for Him. 

What profound relief can be found in the freedom to not be God. 
We do not need to make something of ourselves, we do not need to be the best at anything, we do not need to captivate others. We do not have to pick and choose all the details of our life in a way that allows us to finally experience relief and contentment and love.
That’s God’s job. 
Ours is to live as his children,  and to allow him to carry the heavy weight of our life. And most importantly to choose to live as if He is real, rather than into the narrative of the world, and in avoidance of reality. 

Disillusionment ushers in delight. 

If Christian faith is based upon truth [of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus], then it is not the faith which saves the Christian but the object of the faith….To have faith in Christ means to cease trying to win God’s favor by one’s own character; the man who believes in Christ simply accepts the sacrifice which Christ offered on Calvary. The result of such faith is a new life and all good works; but the salvation itself is an absolutely free gift of God….Very different is the conception of faith which prevails in the liberal church. According to modern liberalism…. salvation is thought to be obtained by our own obedience to the commands of Christ. Such teaching is just a sublimated form of legalism. Not the sacrifice of Christ but our own obedience to God’s law is the ground…of acceptance with God